January 2012
48 posts
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It's because I'm Mexican.
V: ...I was courious if you would be interested in coming and cleaning my place? I despise cleaning.
Me: Only if I don't have to dress up like Sailor Moon.
V: ...Also, I have no cleaning supplies
Me: So, we need more Lemon Pledge?
V: We're not responsible for that, you should bring it from your own home.
Pantheist Credo
flowerchild7723:
1. We revere and celebrate the Universe as the totality of being, past, present and future. It is self-organizing, ever-evolving and inexhaustibly diverse. Its overwhelming power, beauty and fundamental mystery compel the deepest human reverence and wonder.
2. All matter, energy, and life are an interconnected unity of which we are an inseparable part. We rejoice in our...
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The weirdest tumblr I've found [this week] →
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For the time being, I'm ignoring any further...
barbiehighheels:
I just got several probing questions about what makes me tick romantically from people I don’t really know very well. I know what you’re doing, you dogs. Stop trying to figure me out. The attention makes me uncomfortable.
My mother, in her sweet little southern accent, always told me when I was little, “Nobody is your gatekeeper. Nobody can make you feel anything you don’t want...
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“I’ll be black in all the paintings, right?”
– Jesus of Nazareth on the cross.
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Just close your mouth when you eat s#!%
Cuz I drop this, and I drop that.
Oh yeah I dropped it, dropped it, dropped it, just like algebra class.
Also, why not the cobler burger?
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“In her kitchen, she saw many things she would like to eat. On the counter, there...”
– ― Dave Eggers, How We are Hungry
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DYSLEXIA!
unlimited-juice:
Feeling yuck
Totally just read this as “yelling fuck”.
Our Plans for the Remainder of the Evening
douglasmartini:
Watch Bored to Death for a while
Get stoned
Watch more Bored to Death
everything was beautiful, nothing hurt…
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heatheraleeza asked: Really?? Pic please. And I call mine my Blukulele : )
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Listen everyone...
Saying things like, “There’s a pill for that” or “Did you remember to take your medication/meds today?” are not jokes.
They’re not funny.
It’s hurtful for people who DO have to take medications [of any kind] everyday to try and have a state of “normal”. [whatever that may be]
Just like “That’s so gay” is a horrible way of...
Poor people problems
I have leftover popcorn that I don’t know what to do with. I’m so damn poor, I can’t see myself just throwing perfectly good popcorn away!
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Juan Catalan incident →
In 2003, Juan Catalan, a resident of Los Angeles, was cleared of premeditated murder charges against a material witness (a crime eligible for capital punishment) after outtake footage shot for the “Carpool Lane” episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm showed him and his daughter attending the Los Angeles Dodgers vs. Atlanta Braves baseball game some 20 miles from the crime-scene at the time of...
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When I was young, I never needed anyone...
On Wednesday my buddies and I went to a place here in PHX [The Crescent Ballroom] and as usual we were all carded at the door. One was asked to spell his last name and my other friend was asked how many vowels were in her name. I walk up thinking OH SHIT THIS GUY IS GOING TO MOST DEFF. ASK ME SOME QUESTION ABOUT MY ID THAT I WON’T BE ABLE TO ANSWER AND THERE IS NO WAY I LOOK 21 SO...
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I would responde to the new 'dumb dumb men no...
healywu:
But I’m too busy rolling my eyes and not giving a fuck.
Yep.
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Resolutions are for babies
Shasta: I am trying to get everyone on board so that we don't buy any more animal products after the ones we have are gone
Alicia: Nice! I told myself that I wouldn't drink soda and here it is, day three and I'm drinking a root beer. In my defense, Barqs does have bite.
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Unpopular Opinion
I hate the following “comedians” and hope that they will one day choke on their mics:
Gabriel Iglesias
Chelsea Handler
Carlos Mencia [Or any of the “Three Amigos”]
December 2011
33 posts
Who Owns the Fish?
sardoniccatfish:
Einstein’s Intelligence Quiz Einstein wrote this quiz last century. He said that 98% of the people in the world cannot solve the quiz. There are 5 houses in 5 different colors In each house lives a person with a different nationality These 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet No owners have the same pet, smoke the...
